Applying Mel Robbins’ “Let Them Theory” to Workplace Loneliness

Written by Deb Urbanik & Megan Connolly

We don’t know about you, but we have been loving Mel Robbins’ science-backed book, “The Let Them Theory”.  If you haven’t picked it up yet, it focuses on freeing yourself from giving your power to others through fear of judgment, opinions, or ridicule (Let them) and turning on your sense of ownership and strength to build a great life (Let me).

When we started talking about the important and challenging topic of workplace loneliness, Megan Connolly and I thought, instead of writing about how an organization can address this challenge for employees, let’s talk about how we each can take ownership of our own experience – ‘Let Me’ take action to improve my work experience and that of my team. 

First, let’s tackle the fact that workplace loneliness is an issue that needs to be addressed. Despite having many ways to connect at work, human beings are feeling less and less connected. The Gallup State of the Global Workplace 2024 Report shared that globally 1 in 5 employees report feeling lonely at work. The American Psychological Association’s 2024 Work in America Survey reported a staggering 45% of employees aged 18-25 had the same feelings of loneliness.

Studies written by the CDC and Harvard show that when we don’t feel connected with our colleagues at work we tend to experience feelings of isolation, decreased job satisfaction, reduced productivity, increased burnout, and more frequent absenteeism. This impacts our willingness and ability to perform in our jobs, as well as our physical and mental health.  

Conversely, having supportive, positive connections at work helps us more effectively manage stress, collaborate with coworkers, and deliver great performance. 

Addressing workplace loneliness with “The Let Them Theory”

Let Them - Despite our desire for energizing human connection at work, we may not always be able to control the decisions and policies that are made for us at the corporate or team level. Leaders are making tough decisions to keep companies profitable and growing.  Sometimes the unintentional consequences of their choices are decreases in time and capacity to build relationships with our peers. 

Today, many employees are experiencing:

• Reductions in force (RIFs) often result in increased demands on remaining employees, leaving us with more work and less time to connect with others.

• Forced return to work environments where people are struggling to quickly adapt. Instead of connecting, many are sitting with their headphones on, politely avoiding disturbing one another to get work done.

• Increased competition for limited budget and resources, adding potential conflict and strain to cross-team connections. 

These decisions can and do cause unexpected change, stress, and anxiety. Hopefully you are in a place where your voice is valued and you can challenge ideas. You should speak up to improve your company, AND there will be times when the changes being made by leaders are completely out of your control. Let Them.  

And then, Let Me – What if we flip the script and instead of looking at workplace loneliness as something that is happening to you, you look at it as a problem that you can solve? Don’t wait for company policy to dictate your opportunities to come together with your peers. If you are feeling lonely at work, take one step today to make it better.  It is also worthwhile to remember that newer employees, those in entry-level positions, gig workers, and caregivers can exhibit higher rates of loneliness, and may uniquely appreciate your efforts to say hello or plan an informal lunch.

• Let me be the first to welcome a new colleague.

• Let me proactively set up coffee chats with colleagues in person or virtually.

• Let me start a walking group at lunch on our “in-office Wednesdays”.

• Let me plan ahead for resources; collaborating with other teams to maximize our efficiency and minimize potential conflicts.

• Let me be vulnerable and honest with others when I’m feeling lonely or disconnected.

• Let me remember that my actions build our corporate culture. 

• And if after all my efforts, I still feel highly disconnected at work, let me own my career and decide when the time is right to make a change.

When we make the effort, we will reap the rewards. Positive human connection at work has many benefits:

• A stronger sense of belonging calms our amygdala and allows our energy to stay in our frontal lobe where we ideate, process information, and learn.

• Reduced stress improves our overall mental and physical health.

• Improved feelings of togetherness increase resilience and help us to better weather uncertainty.

• Increased productivity can kick start an exciting cycle of stronger performance - a win for you and your company.

What will your “Let me” step be to reduce workplace loneliness? Taking one small step can lead to big benefits for you, your team, and your company.